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What Am I Doing Wrong With My Dating Profile?

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A lot of people are using online dating sites and apps, and that's great! It means you have a huge selection of people to choose from, based not only on photos but quick bios, write-ups, and fun little quizzes, all of which are meant to find people that you should most likely get along with. But because there are so many profiles on so many different sites out there, it can be really hard to stand out, to get a lot of traffic coming to you directly.

It can be a bit overwhelming having thousands - or even millions - of profiles to look through, and as you quickly try to filter out your searches, or scroll past so many of them, you start to wonder how successful your own profile could ever be. How do you make something that has to be eye-catching from the start, and then interesting enough as the person reads more about you, to actually make them send a message or simply click or tap like on it?

There are some common sense tips and some unusual pointers you'll find below, but the most important thing to remember is that you probably aren't doing something wrong when it comes to online profiles. Most likely it's just that you are doing too much of what everyone else is doing. Once you find a way to stand out - while still presenting a genuine version of yourself - the better luck you'll have, for sure.

Your Effort Shows

'Practice makes perfect' is said so often it feels meaningless, but it is absolutely true, especially in the world of sex and dating. The more dates you go on, the better you'll be on dates in the future, just in terms of being relaxed and chatty, and knowing how to steer conversations and have good body language and communication skills. The more sex you have, the better you'll be at that, too! And the same goes for your online profile. The more time you spend with it, working on it, changing it, keeping it up to date, the better results you have with it.

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If you only spend fifteen minutes setting up and then just waiting for notifications saying someone has looked or liked your profile, or even sent you a message, you're not going to be very pleased with the results. You have to be active as well, looking for matches yourself, and sending out likes or messages, but remember, the people you engage with will certainly check your profile, so you'll definitely want that looking good.

Don't just look for matches, but look what these other people are doing with their profiles. Are they writing more? Less? What kind of photos are they adding? Are there certain quizzes or questions that they answered that are getting a lot of attention, or just simply amusing to you? Why not try them yourself?

No matter what site you use, make sure you check other section on there. Certain levels of membership might unlock premium features that can enhance and improve your experience.

A Good Photo is a Good Start

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Let's be honest: Humans can be pretty superficial when it comes to looking for potential partners. The first thing anyone sees on a profile page on an app or a dating site is the photo. So it's pretty important that you get this right. You don't have to look like a hollywood heartthrob, but having a great smile, wearing clothes that you feel comfortable in, and caring at least a little bit about the lighting can go a long way. Since you can take hundreds of photos with your phone, don't just take a couple, take a ton of them so you can look through them all and choose the best. If you're even a little bit savvy with some photo apps on your phone, try to improve little bits of the photo on there (changing the lighting or tone, and you can even airbrush...but make sure you still look like yourself so there won't be a shock when someone meets you face to face).

At least for the main photo, avoid the selfie. You might be a selfie-expert, but having a friend act as photographer will definitely deliver better results (and a second opinion always helps here). Don't have other people in the photo (at least not your primary photo). Even if it's pretty clear that you would be the one in the foreground or the middle, it definitely throws potential visitors off.

Now this is just for your very first photo, the one everyone will see with your name or ID below it. If you add more pictures, feel free to break the other rules above. Selfie-away, add photos with a bunch of friends, or include photos of you travelling the world, even if you can only see a bit of your face in these ones.

Be Positive

Relationships are supposed to be fun! All those movie montages with couples walking on the beach, laughing on the couch, or getting sexy in bed, that's what you're aiming for here, right? Well make sure all this excitement comes out when you're writing about yourself. Whatever you like to do, add it here, and maybe even add a quick anecdote about exercising, concerts, TV series, cooking. The key here is to come off extremely interesting, but not too wordy. Even if what you love to do is write, hold back on that a bit. You can your dates can talk long into the night later, right now you just want to have some bullet points. Start sentences with 'I love-' or 'I can't live without-', and add the odd joke-line in there, too.

Even on sites that have a 'dislikes' or turnoffs section, don't go into too much detail here (everyone seems to hate the same sort of people, anyway: rude people with bad hygiene). This isn't to say you can't be a little bit sarcastic or dry-witted. If that's part of who you are, then certainly you should try to inject a bit of that into your profile. It's natural to be a bit cynical or skeptical about online dating, since it really can seem like searching for a needle in a haystack, but you can definitely add this sort of attitude to your profile in a way that doesn't make you seem like a huge buzzkill.

Be Patient

If you're imagining the speed of meeting someone at bar and chatting up with them over drinks and then getting their number, then you have to change your mindset for online dating. The first steps will always be slow, and not just because you are just one profile among millions of others. You should always take the initiative and at least visit other profiles, and while you might 'like' many of them early, and try to send a text to say hello, the more you visit, the more discerning you may become and like fewer profiles and send fewer texts. You're naturally becoming more selective, and that's fine. And other people who stick with online dating do this as well.

Looking for more specific matches - not just that they like streaming tv series, but tv series you're also interested in - can improve the chances that the person you'll meet will be that much more compatible with you, and this takes time to look for. It's also important to not get discouraged if you there aren't many people reaching out to you, or the people you sent messages to are not replying. That's completely fine, and how it works on massive dating sites. In fact, the truth is that a lot of people don't necessarily delete their profiles after they've gotten into a relationship, so it's possible that the person you've liked hasn't been using this profile for months or years.

Online Profile Messaging 101

The best advice: Take it slow, because it will be slow. Even though you've seen each others profiles, you're still strangers, and aren't going to necessarily text back and forth every few minutes. Sometimes you might wait hours for a response, and that's just because the other person has the rest of their life to deal with. The key is not to keep texting repeatedly, or asking 'why aren't you responding?', since at best you're just being annoying, and at worst it's harassment. Make sure it feels like a conversation and not just you sending text after text.

In addition, don't even bother with sexting at this point. Sure, the point is eventually having some romantic moments, and maybe you can throw in the odd joke that a bit on the naughty side, but don't come out guns blazing asking them to send pics or how quickly the two of you can hook up. Playing it cool is easy advice that can be hard to follow when you start to get excited and think that something is really happening, but you really have to relax and take your time.

Save the Best for Face-to-Face

Don't put all your best anecdotes or jokes on your profile, or even in your initial messaging with the other person. Save some surprises for when you finally go for drinks or any other social activity that will become your first date. You don't want your profile to outshine you, where you suddenly comes across as half as interesting as your bio about yourself. So this is also a good reminder to be truthful with your profile. There's no reason to pretend to be someone you're not, because it's going to be obvious what's true and what isn't once you actually meet in person.

Staying Safe Online

The online world of sex and dating can be totally fun and rewarding, but because there are millions of people using it (and that it's still easy to be anonymous), there are certain precautions that should be taken to make sure you're safe. No matter how much you seem to know a person based on their profile, it might not be an accurate depiction of who they are. Messaging and texting can show a bit more about their personality, but even that can be fake. If some easy conversations suddenly switch to asking for money or personal information about yourself, you should definitely end it immediately.

When people are already starting to have any sort of emotional attachment towards another - even in the very early stages of a potential relationship - sometimes it's easy for our passions to overwhelm our rational minds. Creating a good, fun, honest profile can certainly be the best step forward in meeting another person who you can ultimately have an amazing time with, but just remember that you are also exposing yourself to people who might take advantage of you. Keep personal information off your profile, save for maybe a few anecdotes. You will feel much more comfortable telling this person more about you face-to-face, anyway. Look at personal profiles at the initial messaging period as the staging area, not the main event.

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What Am I Doing Wrong On My Online Dating Profile? - LocalMatches.com

If you aren't getting the attention you'd like on your online dating profile, then you've come to the right place. This LocalMatches.com article about the problems many people have will definitely help you.

What Am I Doing Wrong On My Online Dating Profile? - LocalMatches.com